


Down to One Arm

by Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Erwins feeling inadequate, Erwins insecurities about losing an arm, F/M, Father erwin/mother reader, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Love, I dont even know how to tag things okay?, Kissing, Late nights talks, Not letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface/pseuds/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface
Summary: Erwin has become distant of his family ever since he lost his arm, but tonight, you've decided you won't let it go. He's being lost inside himself and maybe the only thing he needs is to be reminded he is loved no matter what.





	Down to One Arm

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOOOOOOOO~ I have like a thousand stories to finish but I had to write this. It's not really my best work, but it's been in my mind for so long and after seeing some fan art with Erwin holding a baby while scrolling down in Tumblr, I knew I had to write this!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

The horrid, loud cry coming out of your daughter's room woke you up, once again, in the middle of the night. It was one of the very few nights you got to spend with Erwin and as usual you expected him to be the one to go to her. But you knew that this time it wouldn't happen. Ever since he lost his arm, he'd never want to be close to her.

 

Nevertheless, trying to get him pumped up wouldn't hurt. You rolled on your side and snuggled your nose on the male's broad chest, focusing on getting him to open his eyes. There was no way he hadn't woken up by your daughter's cries, but he thought he'd get away if he pretended to be sleeping.

You didn't know if this worked with his shitty cadets and soldiers, but it wasn't going to work with you.

 

"Erwin can you please go to her?"

 

As the only answer you received was a sigh, you got the message right away. In swift movements you were out of bed, with a frown all over your face.

 

You felt your blood boil though as you entered the bedroom again, with the crying baby in your arms. As you sat on the bed, you carefully placed the baby between your thighs so you could untie your robe and took her back in your arms and tried to direct her mouth to your chest. You turned your head to look at Erwin who was laying on his back, with his eyes closed, taking breaths in and out.

 

"See? All you had to do was pick her up and bring her here so I could feed her! What's so wrong with getting your baby in your hands?" You huffed in frustration and wiped your forehead with the back of your hand. Your reality had changed so fast in a couple of weeks, that it was so hard for you to accept. You never expected Erwin to change that much, after such an injury and it infuriated you how much he had distant himself from your family.

 

"I can't do this alone, Erwin. You're barely here anymore and when you are it's like you're not even here. It's like... you're only coming here just to be able to say you have a family and most of the time you're not even talking to me"

Erwin rolled on his side in response. Unconsciously, he expected himself to be supported by his arm, but reality kicked in. How could he ever explain to you how he felt? He could seem to find a way to say tgat felt inadequate and unworthy to stand by you and your daughter. He might have been able to pretend to be strong for his soldiers but at home things were so different. Home was a place were he didn't have to pretend, where all of his insecurities kicked in, and caused him to feel more guilty about all the actions that had led him to this point.

He hated himself for being so stern, but everytime he looked at his daughter he could only think about how he'd drop her while holding her with only one arm and when he looked at you, he struggled to accept that he'd never be able to pleasure you just like before. What if he had to let you go, so you could find someone who would fit his place to the maximum.

 

"I don't intend to make you feel this way (y/n). You should know that"

 

"How can I? I was just a cadet who recklessly got in an affair with her commander and I got pregnant. I have no one else than you to talk to, because all people in my circle won't accept that I have a child out of marriage, and when you come home you ignore me." Realising the baby was asleep already, you proceeded to softly put her head on the top of your shoulder and started to gently pat her small back, while rocking her back and forth.

 

Erwin sighed as he glanced at his missing arm before he thought about how to utter the words he wanted. It pained him to know the truth about how you felt or how your days passed and it was all because of him. If he had never acted so selfish as to seduce you into this affair, because he had wanted you to himself just to be able to know how it is to be with someone who held deep feelings for his being, just like him, you'd never be in this uncomfortable place.

 

And this daughter was a gift to him, really. He recalled the days when he'd hold her do close to his chest and admire her for being so small and pure and having no idea about these hideous, man eating monsters. But now he was unable to protect her from them, unable to protect you. 

"I lost my arm" he simply stated, as if this simple statement could explain everything.

 

"That doesn't make you any less of man-"

"It does! That's the point. I'm afraid to hold our daughter, because I'll drop her and she is so fragile, I'm not coming home because I'm petrified you'll want to get intimate and I won't be able to pleasure you. I can't marry you because I'm going to die in the battlefield to save you and our kid and I hate giving promises that I can't keep."

 

You gracefully excused yourself for one second to get the baby back in her crib. This was a conversation that you and Erwin had to have, for the sake of a healthy relationship. Even if it has seemed that his and yours little world was falling apart, you knew he wasn't going to keep you in the dark about it. Erwin was an honest man. He had once told you that he'd never let anything between the two of you and you sincerely believed him. He was the type of person you couldn't escape from.

 

You laid on your side again, facing the blond with all your might and strength. You weren't going to let this go. You weren't going to let him go because he felt insecure. It's only natural for someone who has lost a part of their body to feel inadequate, but you had to put Erwin's soul at ease. There were so many things that put weight on his soul that you could never erase the memory off and yet you wished for him to let go. You wished for his whole being too belong to you, with no regrets or guilt.

 

"Erwin, I love you, whether you have one or two arms. I'd love you if you were blind and if love you if you were deaf or mute. Back in the day I didn't only fall for you exceptional looks but for your intimidating personality. You always seemed to get over everything, but by spending time with you I only understood that you kept all these feelings in your heart and never let a word out, but as your woman I want to take that pain away."

 

"One arm will never pay my depth to all these fallen comrades, but it is what's making me feel less in front of my family's eyes." His half lid eyes stared into yours as he took a deep breath. He felt unable to explain his feelings to you with words. "Things will never be the same"

 

"I'm aware of that, Erwin. But I'd give up my life to keep you beside me" you uttered as you felt the hot steaming tears burn in the corners of your eyes, never wanting to drop. "I love you and you dint have to look strong for me, or feel like you're not good enough, because I can't stand the idea of you being away from me."

 

His lips found yours for what seemed like an eternity, only parting to get the necessary air for the two of you to continue kissing. Erwin's lips were moving so graciously on yours, as if they were made just to be a perfect match. His right hand tightened around your waist, and he used all his forced to roll the two of you on the bed. Now with your body laying on top of his, you cupped his face with your hands and mashed your harder onto his, as if letting out all of your frustration. 

When you had to part for air again, Erwin kept planting chaste kisses on your lips, trying his best to utter words between them.

 

"I love you too, so much"

 

And that, in the end, was all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> My asksbox in Tumblr is always open for requests (https://jean-does-not-have-a-horseface.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
